My 'Innocent' Life
by Jamie38459
Summary: A couple of one-shots [made for NekoAllenLover's (who is my little sister) birthday,] portraying what the exorcists COULD do outside of the Black Order business. Note: NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY! Might be continued or adopted by NekoAllenLover... Rated T for bad language, crude-ish humor, and some stupidity
1. Story 1: The train is late! Sort of

My 'Innocent' Life

_Story 1: The train is late! Well, sort of..._

* * *

_AN: Before I start this, let me point out that I do not know much of D. Gray Man. I've only seen a few episodes of this show. The main reason I'm actually doing this is because my younger sister's birthday today and I wanted to give her a nice present. So, I decided to make a fan fic [sort of loosely?] based off her favorite anime. Chances are, I'm not doing another one of these but hopefully it'll be good. This is going to mainly focus on her favorite characters on the show Allen and Kanda by the way. It'll have screen time from other characters but for the most part it'll focus on Allen and Kanda(No slash, sorry sis). Also, this is not meant to be taken seriously so if you wanted something more edgy and dark, you might not like this one. Otherwise, please enjoy. And Happy Birthday NekoAllenLover :3_

* * *

"Come on you guys, we're going to be late." Allen Walker calls out to his comrades as they make their way towards the train station.

"No we won't, not unless you-know-who falls behind like the fucking retard he is!" Yuu Kanda rudely replied, turning his head towards Lavi while he said it.

"Hey, I can't help it, he's just so beautiful." Lavi said while looking at Allen.

"Okay that's fucking creepy."

"Eh? Why is it Yuu never gets my sarcasm?"

"That wasn't sarcasm Baka Usagi, I don't think you even know what the term is. And stop calling me that!"

"Um, guys? We might be late again if you keep on yapping like that... so can we please get a move on?" Allen asked nicely.

"Humph. Whatever." Kanda turns his head in disgust and walks ahead of the two.

"Aw geez, why does he always act like that?" Lavi pouted.

"Well, you know, it's just Kanda being Kanda." Allen replied.

"Let's go, we don't want to keep him waiting."

.-.-.-.

The two eventually arrive at the station. There, they see Kanda waiting for them with an irritated look on his face. "See Moyashi?" He told Allen, "I told you we wouldn't miss it. Like hell we would. And the trains here too, so we don't have to wait for it to come..."

While saying that though, the doors slowly start closing in. The three made a dash on toward the train.

"Hurry!" Kanda yells out.

"I'm trying!" Lavi whined.

Kanda and Lavi rush in and grab Allen into the train and jump in the nick of time. As they panted, the train starts to move toward another train station.

"Well that was a close one." Allen said with a playful smile.

"Yeah, I'll say." Lavi agreed.

"We almost missed it though." Kanda looked out the window and sighed.

"Sorry..." Allen muttered.

"Don't worry about it. We made it didn't we?"

"Yeah, I guess we did..."

.-.-.-.

After it reached a stop, the three walk out and had a look around. "Gee, this wasn't what I thought it'd look like at all..." Lavi shook his with disapproval.

"Do you think that we went in the wrong train?" Allen guessed.

"Yeah right, like how can we... mess up... the... hey do Yuu know if this is the right one?"

"Don't call me that, and we were in a hurry so I wasn't able to tell if it was the right one or not!"

"Aw damn it."

"Hey calm down, maybe this is the right place and we aren't familiar with it..." Allen mentioned. _'Huh, and I was actually joking when I said that too...'_

"Is there something you aren't telling us Moyashi?"

"Oh... sorry it's just that—"

"Hey look, the train's here." Lavi pointed out as the train came and went to a complete stop.

"Oh, would you look at that."

"Alright, let's get going then..." Lavi declared as he ran inside the train and waited for the others to show up along side him.

"Lavi, wait!" Allen protested. "Are you sure that this is the right one?"

"Oh don't be silly Allen-chan, of course this is the right—"

**"Next stop: Hell." **

"–one...?" Lavi finishes as the train slowly moves away. He starts to bang on the glass yelling for help from the other two and starts fading away in every second. "Heeeeeeelllllllp!"

"Lavi! Oh no, this is terrible." Allen started to panic. "Now what'll happen once the right train arrives, and he isn't there?"

"Are you kidding? That moron deserved it for being so damn careless!" Kanda retorted.

"We'll wait for him as soon as we get to our location..."

"But it wasn't his fault, if you didn't start up that argument we probably would have been there by now." The white-haired boy barked back at Kanda.

"So it's MY fault then? You were the one who wouldn't hurry the hell up even though you told US to do so."

"I was hurrying up also you arsehole! And why the hell do you always have to find a way to piss people off!?"

"Oh, well, I'm sorry for being such an asshole then!" Kanda said sarcastically. _'And THAT is how you do sarcasm bitch.'_

"No, you're not BaKanda. You're never sorry, especially when it comes to Lavi."

"Don't assume you little twerp!"

"Oh, so you secretly like Lavi then?" Allen teased.

"NO! I meant the 'never sorry' comment scarface!"

The two started spewing insults at each other while another train passes by and lets people in and out of it. It leaves and then the boys noticed some people talking about them behind their backs.

"Hey that white-haired person looks cute..." One person whispered to her friend.

"Could they be brothers or something?" Another murmured.

Eventually, the two just slumped on a bench and sighed.

"What's the use? Fighting like a bunch of kids isn't going to help us on any term." Allen saddened a bit while looking at the ground.

"You're right, and now we're going to be more late than ever..."

"I bet Lenalee's worried sick about us now."

"Yeah, she probably is."

There was a long silence in the station. People walked around, talked about stuff, and ate some food while waiting for their train to arrive.

Eventually Allen broke the silence. "Hey Kanda..." He said while making a glance at ponytail guy.

"Hmm?"

"I'm... sorry for my outburst earlier, it's just that—"

"I know. You don't have to bring it up Moyashi."

Allen gave a little smile in response. "You're not still mad are you BaKanda?"

"Oh shut up."

Just then, another train arrives at the station. The two just shrug, get up from the benches, and hop on in, no longer caring if it's the right one or not.

.-.-.-.

After riding the train for about ten minutes, the two finally make it to their location, also noticing that Lavi still hasn't shown up yet.

"Damn it, where the fuck is that rabbit?" Kanda said, heavily annoyed.

"Um, well, he did take that wrong train from earlier so that might explain some things..." Allen replied.

"No matter, like I said, we'll just wait for him to show up then."

"Heya guys!" A loud voice called from afar, startling the two in the process.

Kanda gets his Mugen ready while Allen tries to get him to put it away.

Then, out of the blue, they noticed Lavi walking out of the train with some scars on his face.

"Lavi! Are you alright?" Allen cried, running over to where he was (Although he wasn't too far from them... anymore).

"Don't worry, don't worry, I'm totally fine. Despite a few minor injuries, but I'll live."

"Well, you sure don't look like it. What happened to you?"

"Yeah, and why the hell were you not in the train?" Kanda added.

Lavi made a sheepish giggle before responding. "Well, here's a funny story: Ya see, apparently I was in this train that was held by an evil conductor because he said **'Next stop is hell and all that shizz'** and I was all 'Oh no I have to do something about it!' but then he mentioned how he was 'just joking' and that 'he likes to do that sometimes' but I didn't think he was. And so I ran over to the conductor's room, knocked out some workers there, and then... I killed him with my hammer."

"YOU KILLED THE CONDUCTOR!?" Kanda suddenly shouted, getting glares from other people passing by.

"Yep. And then I realized that it _was_ a joke and some people on the train started freaking out, so I jumped out of the window and made my grand escape..."

"Baka Usagi! Now how will we get back to our headquarters?"

"Um, we could always... take a taxi cab?"

_'Jesus, I can't go anywhere with these boneheads...'_

"Uh, I hate to break it to you guys but—" Allen started.

"Yes, Moyashi I know! We'll be late! We ARE late! I don't fucking care anymore this isn't even worth it! Ugh, let's just get this over with..." Kanda pushes the other two aside and starts walking off on his own.

Allen and Lavi follow soon after.

"Stri-ku." Lavi obscurely said.

"Shut up Usagi."

"Well look on the bright side BaKanda..." Allen started.

**"What?"**

"At least he didn't blow the train up...or anything like that...?"

"Ugh..."

* * *

_AN: No conductors were harmed during the making of this story. Also, they did get back by using a cab; Lavi was forced to pay for it though. Or did he have to walk back? I'm not sure anymore..._

_Oh, and Happy Birthday sis :3_


	2. Story 2: The Unusual 'Lying' Game

My 'Innocent' Life

**_Story 2: The 'Lying' Game_**

_AN: Yep, as you can see, I am going to do more of these since my sister NekoAllenLover loved the first one-shot of it. Well, here it is, a bit longer this time, hope you fans don't get too offended by this. Like I said before, I haven't seen much of D. Gray Man (just a few/couple of episodes) and don't know much about it in general so I may be off on some detail. But I wanted to make my sis happy and make another one of these (it was her idea for me to make some after all, since she loved what I had done to them in the past, which I may get into later). Anyways, hope you enjoy and please don't flame me or this, I'm innocent I tell you, INNOCENT! D:_

* * *

"Allen-chan, where are you?" Lavi called out loudly while searching for his favorite white-haired friend down the halls. Actually he was the only white-haired friend he had.

"Man, where could he be? Hmm, I never knew he would be so good at hiding, if we were to play hide and seek..." He said to himself.

Not watching where he was going, he accidentally bumps into his fighting comrade, Yuu Kanda, who was already in a pissed-off state from 'before' and did not take lightly to Lavi's presence. "Hey, watch where your walking baka!" He barked at the guy.

"Sorry about that Yuu, as you can see, I'm looking for Allen-chan. Have you seen him anywhere?"

_'No, I didn't SEE that, baka.' _"Now how the hell would I know where that brat goes to after missions?"

"Because... because you—"

"If you mention me in that topic, I won't help you." Lavi cracks a smile at the response, to which Kanda walks away annoyed.

The red-head gets in front of him and waves his hands rapidly, apparently meaning to tell him not to worry. "Ok, I won't talk about it then." _'Sheesh, can't he take a joke?' _

"...You aren't going to leave me alone unless I tell you, right?"

"Pretty much."

"Ugh, I guess he was somewhere in the lounge over there, but I don't know for sure though."

"Alright, then I'll check it out, haven't gotten there yet. Thanks Yuu, I owe ya one!" Lavi exclaims as he passes Kanda and makes it to the lounge on the bottom floor.

"Hey, don't call me that!" Kanda called out to him, but it was too late, Lavi had already ran ahead to the bottom floor in hopes of finding Allen. "Ugh, that guy sometimes..." He sighed and face palmed. He, nevertheless, ignored it and decided to go back to his room to train a little bit more.

.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, Allen Walker was reading a book on a couch with his small companion-friend, Timcampy, who was floating around trying to get a closer look at the book he was reading.

"Hey, Allen-chan, are you here?" Lavi called out to Allen from afar.

"Hai..." Allen replied, while his eyes were still fixated in the book.

"Allen-chan, I've been looking everywhere for ya buddy! Well, almost everywhere that is..."

"Mmm hmm."

"Anyways, I actually made up this really fun game that I thought you would enjoy, and I was wondering if you'd like hear it..."

"Ok, lay it on me."

Lavi starts snickering at the response.

This made Allen look up from his book, a little confused at why he's doing that. "Is there something that you found funny or amusing Lavi?" He asked in a polite tone.

"Well..." Lavi starts giggling again, "ya see... I actually fibbed when I said that I made up the game. I believe someone else made it up before I did."

"Um, ok?" Allen sounded disappointed and went back to reading.

"No wait just hear me out on this! I lied when I said that too." Lavi tried to protest.

"Now I'm confused. Why are you lying to me about this?"

"No no no, that's actually part of the game that I made up." He explained, "Ya see, all you gotta do is think up a creative lie and fool someone with it. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. As you lie more and more to someone they'll stop believing you and it gets harder to fool them and you have to think more about what you say next."

"That sounds kind of lame..." Allen concluded after turning a page on the book.

"B-but Allen-kun, you need to experience it in order to understand that—"

"I'm lying of course, that sounds very interesting Lavi." He said, looking up at Lavi with a warm smile.

_'Oh wow, he's already playing it and surpassing me! We'll see how this lasts...' _

"Alright, you seem to know what you're doing... why don't we test this out on some of the members here." Lavi said while looking for some fish to fry. He catches a glimpse of Lenalee Lee walking by. _'Stri-ku.'_ He turns back to Allen and whispers to him. "Now you just sit here and watch the master at work."

As he walks on over to where Lenalee was and started to strike up a conversation with her. "Can I help you?" Lenalee asked politely.

"Yes, I was wondering if you would do me a favor and get something for me. You see, I accidently left this book at the library called... called... 'Sūpāsutoraikāzu'."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I would really appreciate it if you would go and get it for me."

"Well, I'm not really busy with anything, so I guess I'll go and check it out then." Lenalee shrugged it off and went to go retrieve the book.

"Thanks Lenalee, you're a life saver!" Lavi comes back to the couch with a satisfying grin on his face. "Did you see that? She totally bought it!" He asked Allen.

"Yes, I saw it."

"Wasn't that hilarious?"

"I lied, I wasn't paying any attention."

"Well, then let's see if YOU can top me and my lying skills! Pick an opponent, but pick wisely."

"Alright." _'Now, who should I do it on?' _Just then, while Allen was looking around for someone to fool, he notices Kanda walking down the aisle/corridors with his Mugen in tact. Allen made a mischievous smile. _'Perfect.'_ "Hey Lavi, I think I know who'd I like to try the game on!" He whisper-yelled at Lavi.

"Ohhh, do tell." Allen gets up and starts to go to where Kanda was, with Lavi watching from afar. "That's my boy, choosing the tougher opponents first! We'll just see how this unfolds..." He snickers while rubbing his hands together.

"Hey Kanda, how's it going?" Allen makes it to where he was supposed to be and greets him with a pleasant smile.

"Humph, it has nothing to do with you Moyashi, so go away." Kanda said in disgust, turning his head away from him for a brief moment.

"Aw, but I just wanted to know how you were feeling today..." He said, sounding disappointed with his response.

"But why the fuck do you have to know?" Ponytail guy asked while turning his head back at Allen.

"I was just curious, that's all."

"...Well, I was just going to get something to eat and then go back into my room. That's it."

"Do you at least want to know what Lavi and I were talking about?"

"What?" Kanda was a little shocked by the response, but shrugs it off anyway. "I would like to eat and train, and do it in peace. Now if you'll excuse me..." Kanda was just about to walk off, when suddenly, Allen grabs his arm and mutters something in a low voice. "Hey Moyashi, what the hell are you—"

"My left eye... it senses... an Akuma."

"What? Where?"

"Sh, it's somewhere in this room. We don't want to disturb it or else it'll give out a surprise attack. We should do the same thing if we want to defeat it."

"Right."

Allen's left eye starts glowing. "Crap, it moved in the dining hall!" He exclaimed while pointing at the room.

"I'm on it." Kanda takes out his Mugen and dashes off.

_'Hmm, I wonder if he fell for it or not...'_ Allen thought, to which Lavi walks in with a great big smile on his face and pats him on the shoulder.

"Nice-a job Allen-chan, you totally fooled him! I didn't think you could pull it off but you did, wait until he sees the look on his face, he's gonna get piiiiiissed."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"Huh? I'm talking about what you said to Yuu..."

"Oh that. It actually wasn't a lie; I really _did_ sense an Akuma in the kitchen."

"Eh? But I thought—"

"Ya see, I actually lied when I said that I was going to lie to someone today. You should really see the look on your face right now, it's pretty hysterical."

_'Oh damn, he's better at it than I thought! He even fooled the master at lying: me!'_

"Hey guys, I'm back." Kanda walks out of the room with a piece of rolled bread on one hand and his sword on another. "The Akuma wasn't really all that powerful, just a level one, so I didn't get any training from that at all." He sighed and took another bite at the bread. "Anyways, what's this about 'lying' that I heard you guys talk about?"

_'Oh shit!'_

"Well, Lavi was showing me this game where you have to lie and fool other people, and he was expecting me to do it on you, so to speak." Allen replied, which in turn, freaked Lavi out.

"Oh, so THAT was why you were searching for Moyashi, huh?"

"N-No that wasn't... the entire reason... please don't hurt me!" Lavi squealed as he covered his face in worry.

"Don't worry, I'm not in that bad of a mood today, so I won't hurt you." He replied as he put his Mugen away.

"R-really? You're not lying to me are you?" He moved his arms from his face. "I see how it is, you're going to try and harm me, but you'll just end up saying that you lied just for revenge. Nice try there Yuu, but you'll have to do better than that."

Kanda just walked off to one of the rooms.

"Where do you think he's going Allen?" Lavi whispered.

"Beats me." Allen shrugged.

At the room, Kanda knocked on the door and open it. "Hey, is Komui in there? Can you tell him for me that I saw Lavi trying to hit on Lenalee when she wasn't looking?" Kanda yelled out from the other side of the door. Lavi and Allen turned white when he heard it. "Nothing bad happened to her but it almost did. I tried preventing him from doing that but she already knocked some sense into him. Didn't stop him from trying again though..." He walked off and started muttering a countdown of some sorts. "3...2...1..."

**"Oh Lavi, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?" **

"I think you better start running." Allen stated.

"YA THINK?" Lavi panicked and tried to get a head start, but it was too late.

Komui bursts out through the doors and starts running after Lavi, who screams and runs off somewhere to hide, where Komui wasn't too far behind from him.

"Wow Kanda, I never knew you would actually keep your word, especially to Lavi." Allen turned to Kanda and said.

"Ah shut up Moyashi, you should know that a true swordsman never lies."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Really."

"Heh heh, of course I know that. Why would I lie?"

"Yeah, why would you...?"

Just then, while all of this was going on, Lenalee came back from the library with a book in her hands. "Hey guys, have you seen Lavi anywhere? I have this weird book that I was suppose to give to him."

"Oh, he's just getting chased by Komui for the moment..." Allen replied.

"Really now? What's it for this time?" She asked, starting to get annoyed.

"I don't think you'll want to know Lenalee." Allen sheepishly giggled.

* * *

_AN: And in the end, Lavi stopped lying to people. Karma's a bitch sometimes..._


	3. Story 3: Gone In A Flash

My 'Innocent' Life

_AN: Based off an episode of Drake And Josh(A show not similar at all to this show), this story consists on what could happen if the world the characters are in had a camera? Yes, you heard right, a camera. Riveting, isn't it?_

_Story 3: Gone In A Flash_

* * *

It was another day in the Black Order, with no mission or trouble brewing... yet.

Lavi was all alone in the building, lying on the couch and complaining about how bored he was, especially without anyone to hang out with or even bother, "Maybe I should have gone with them after all..." He sighed.

It all seemed like it was going to be another boring day at the Black Order.

Then, someone suddenly started talking through a mega speaker and made an announcement, "Attention members of The Black Order, will you please meet me in The Science Department? I have something really interesting to show you all so do hurry up. Oops, I think I messed up on my speech there... my bad, don't worry about it and just come on over to the Department!"

When the speech ended, Lavi just stared blankly at what he just heard, "Something... interesting... to show us?" Then again, it WAS something to do, and it would certainly be better than laying on the couch all day.

"Alright!" Needlessly, Lavi decides to go to the Division and see what the news is all about.

.-.-.-.

By the time he got there, Komui was already waiting for them, "Ah, I see you all made it..." He turned happily and then frowned when he saw that only Lavi had shown up. "...Lavi, where's everybody else?"

"Oh, they left somewhere, but they'll be back... eventually."

"Well, I guess we'll continue nonetheless. Anyways, I have made another invention that'll be useful for combat!" Komui announced.

"Sweet, lay it on me, Komui." Lavi responded.

"Sure thing, may I present to you..." He lifts up said thing into the air for Lavi to see, "A CAMERA!"

"It... doesn't look like a battle weapon though..." Lavi said disappointedly.

"Well, it's supposed to not look like a battle weapon, but it secretly is."

"Oh really? Well, what does it do then?"

"For starters, this device has a flasher that can blind anyone who gets into contact with it. For example..." Komui demonstrates this by pressing on the small button, making a flash, causing Lavi to cover his eyes.

"Geez Komui, was that really necessary?" He complained.

"Oh, sorry, but I wanted to prove my point here. Another thing you can do is take someone's appearance on here so you can remember what they look like. That way it'll be easy to spot some differences on certain people in case they were imposing someone or store some memories that you've spent together."

There was a silence between the two, "What? It could happen ya know. Also, if you push this button long enough, you can actually trap them inside and can use them for interrogation! Pretty neat huh?"

"Eh... I guess so? Sorry but I still don't see it like you can."

"It's alright, you'll get used to it eventually. Now one last thing I want to point out is that you can use these lens to zoom in and out on a location and spot some hidden things with this. Go on, try it out," He gave Lavi the camera to try out.

"Sweet, thanks for the cam Komui!" And just as he was about to leave...

"Oh, and don't use them for too long, ok? You're only testing them to see if they're useable."

"Sure, I got it," He said sarcastically and walked out of the department... for now.

.-.-.-.

Not long after he leave, Lavi starts to pester on about the camera.

_'Hmm, now what should I do with this camera? What should I test it on? Better than that... **who should I test it**_** _on?'_** Lavi sneers at the last thought, and decides to wait until later to use it.

.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, Allen Walker and co. climb onto a train and are on their home from what they were doing before.

"Man, that sure was a nice shopping trip, wouldn't you say boys?" Lenalee said with a smile.

"Yeah, it certainly was..." Kanda muttered while carrying all of the groceries (and Mugen) with his hands, looking like he's unable to balance himself.

"Uh, Kanda? Are you sure you don't need any help with that?" Allen asked.

"Are you kidding? And be pestered by this nuisance about being a weakling? No fucking way!"

"Aw come on Kandy, this is improving your strength," Lenalee protested, "Aren't you glad that you get to train yourself while going from place to place?"

"Not like this... And how is carrying food that we'll eventually eat considered training!? What's next, make me cook all of the food?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"Ehehehe, calm down BaKanda she was just messing with you," Allen said with a smile.

"I was, right Kandy?"

"I think I like BaKanda better, to be perfectly honest..." Kanda grumbled.

.-.-.-.

Eventually the trio make it home with the food, "We're back from food stealing!"

"BaKanda meant shopping!"

"Whatever, just hurry and help with the food wherever you dweebs are."

"Show time," Someone whispered. He sneaked up and took a picture of the trio, startling them and making Kanda drop their foods in the process, "Stri-ku!"

_'Should have known...' _"You idiot, what did you do that for?"

"Just for giggles and laughs, and man was that hilarious! You guys should have seen the looks on our own faces!" Lavi started to burst out laughing. "Oh yeah, here's a picture to show you guys, Kanda's looked the silliest. SOME tough guy Yu are."

_'I swear, you just love to spite me, don't you?' _

"Your probably wondering where I found this 'camera'..."

_'Not really. Why the hell's that called a camera anyway? That sounds pretty stupid if you ask me...' _Kanda thought.

"Well ya see, lets just say that it's... a secret."

"For fucks sake, give me the camera!" Kanda yelled as he reached for the camera, but Lavi quickly pushes the button just in time.

"AH, SHIT MY EYES! I'VE GONE BLIND!" He screams out and walks backwards, trips on a banana, falls on the ground, fell down the stairs, and into a dumpster outside near a basement.

"Hilarity at its finest," Lavi blows his camera like a person would blow on their gun and walks off. _'Though I'm confused as to where the banana came from. Wasn't from me that's for sure...'_

"Oh crap! Now what the hell did you do that for Lavi?" Lenalee snapped.

"Oh, like I said, hilarity."

"I'm going to go and see if he's alright while you go and take care of the groceries," Lenalee ordered and goes down into the basement.

Lavi comes from behind the door and takes another shot at Lenalee, who trips and falls halfway there.

"Sorry, didn't think you'd fall down."

"LAVI!" Lena and Kanda were both heard yelling.

"Lavi, stop using that camera to scare people, it's not funny," Allen scolds the red-head.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'll stop doing so."

"Good. Now will you please help me with the groceries?"

"Sure thing, after I go to the bathroom."

"Alright then, hurry back."

"K."

.-.-.-.

"Hmm... I think I have another idea..." While going to the bathroom, Lavi decides to pull one last camera prank on someone and runs over to find Allen's bedroom and opens the door. There, he sees the small golem named Timcampy moving around the room trying to find something to do.

"Hey, Timmy, say cheese!" He said as he pushes the button and takes a picture of him/her/it. By doing that however, had caused him to stop mid-air and fall to the ground.

"Uh... Timcampy? Are you ok?" Lavi asked as he picked him up and waggled him around for a bit, trying to get him to move. Unfortunately, he still remained motionless. _'Oh shit! What the hell just happened!? Oh man, if Allen finds out about this...' _

"Hey Lavi, what are you doing in my room?" Allen asked as soon as he had entered in his own room.

"Uh... uh... nothing!" Lavi lied as he hid Tim behind his back, "I was... I just wanted to take a picture of your room, cause it looks so cool and all."

"Fucking idiot," Kanda fake-coughed at the response. He was standing outside of the room wondering what the heck is going on in there, "Is that REALLY why you're in Moyashi's room and not something else?"

Lavi pops a cross vein at the rude remark, but nevertheless goes along with his plan anyway, "Well, I'm about done with this place. I'm going to go and take some pics of the library and stuff. See ya," Lavi casually walks past them and then makes a dash for it.

"Fucking weirdo," Kanda said.

"Gee, Lavi sure likes that camera..." Said Allen, tilting his head in confusion.

"Yeah, he does..." Kanda sneered suspiciously.

.-.-.-.

"Shit shit shit, where the hell is Komui?" Lavi turns in all sorts of directions, trying his hardest to find the sister-complex and ask if there is a way to fix poor Timcampy before Allen finds out.

The puzzled Lavi stopped for a moment to think, "Hmm, now if I was in the Science Department, where would I be? I know, Komui!" Lavi makes up a solution and runs off again, only to be bumped into mid-way by Yu Kanda.

Wait, what? "Alright, what's this you aren't telling me and Moyashi?"

"Whoa, how did Yuu get here?"

"Don't call me that. Also, I teleported."

"Huh?"

"He means that he jumped off from the third floor," Lenalee walks in and answers his obscure question.

"Which he really shouldn't have done. He could have gotten hurt."

"Hey, it doesn't matter, I'm ok all right? Mainly because I'm awesome."

"Oh," Lavi bluntly said, "Stri-ku!"

"Anyways, what seems to be the problem you guys?"

"Baka Usagi's hiding something and I have a feeling it involves the Moyashi."

_'Oh crap!'_

"Is that true Lavi?"

"Um, well, ya see..."

"Hey, what's behind your back?"

"Uh..."

"Tell us the truth Lavi."

The red-head guy sighed and showed what was behind his back to Kanda and Lenalee.

"So you stole... Allen's golem? While he was asleep?"

"Baka, why did you take Timcampy away from Moyashi? You better explain yourself Baka Usagi!"

"He... he's not sleeping..." They gasp in response.

"That's horrible! How did this happen?" Lenalee cried.

"I... took a picture of him...and gave him a heart attack."

The two stared blankly as if they were hearing it all wrong, because he got his picture taken Timcampy killed himself?

"And you haven't told Allen about this yet?"

"Nope... not yet..."

"Man, I'd hate to see Allen's reaction to this..."

* * *

_"Hey Timcampy, I brought you some... food?" Allen walks into his room and becomes horrified upon witnessing the death of Timcampy._

_He drops the food and goes over to where his broken body lied. Cradling him in his arms, Allen cried over him and whispered: "Why? Why did this happen? HOW did this bloody happen?" _

_Depressed and angry with what had happened to his friend, he goes to see his friends and asks if there was anything that had happened to him while he was gone._

_In response, they just turned their heads away without a word. This upset Allen even more. "You... you know something, don't you? Tell me who did this or what caused this, I can take it, I can hold it in, JUST TELL ME WHY HE'S LIKE THIS! **PLEASE!**" He falls onto his knees, covers his face with Timcampy and his hands, and starts to cry. The friends hang their heads in shame, with Lavi being the most shameful of the bunch, not wanting to break his poor heart any further._

* * *

"Yeah, me too," Lavi hung his head in sadness, not wanting to think about that any longer, "Which is why you guys gotta help me bring him back to life!" He lifted his head back up and exclaimed.

"But how the fuck do we do that?" Kanda skeptically asked.

"Well, I'm pretty sure Komui would probably know how, since he made this camera and all."

"HE made the camera? That would explain a lot."

"So let's go and find him then." Lenalee confirmed.

"Alright, but where do we start though? Cause I got nothing." Lavi asked.

"Why not just go back to The Science Department? He's usually always there when we test his inventions," Kanda bluntly replied to them.

'Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that?'

"Cause you're a baka, that's why," He and Lenelee take Timcampy out of Lavi's hands and walk off with it to find Komui.

"Hey, wait up!" Lavi yells and decides to follow them as well to where the Division is.

.-.-.-.

Nevertheless, Yuu Kanda and co. go downstairs after hearing what Lavi told about Timcampy, "Now what do you suppose Komui was referring to when he says 'Something important'?" Lenalee asked.

"Hmm, I think it's supposed to be a machine that can help us with combat." He replied.

"Bitch, please, we don't need help from machines to win battles, we need strategy, skills, and training!" Kanda interrupted while using his Mugen.

"Yuu is always Yuu, it's kind of getting old actually..."

"What did you say Usagi?"

"Guys, not while we're going to see my brother..." LenaLee tried to break the two apart... again.

"Hmph."

.-.-.-.

"Hey, Nii-san, you still here?" Lenalee says as she and the others walk inside the Division.

"Hmm? My precious Lenalee has come to visit me!? Yay, I'm so happy that you've come to see me! Oh right, the question! Uh, yes, I am. Why do you ask?"

"It's about the cameras..."

"Oh, has Lavi tested the cameras I made? How are they? They didn't blow up did they?"

"Well, he did test them, but..."

"We found out that this camera has caused Timcampy to die for some reason because of Lavi going too far with using the camera," Kanda interrupted and showed Komui the limp golem.

"Do you have any idea how to fix him?"

"Timcampy? Hmm, let me see him..." Komui looks and studies him.

_'Strange, how can one possible die because of a camera flash?'_ He starts to poke at it for a little bit when suddenly Timcampy starts to twitch. Komui freaks out and falls back on his chair. When he gets up he sees that Timcampy is moving and floating again.

"Whoa, how'd I do that?"

The others sweat dropped when watching all this, "Um... brother...?"

"I'm ok, I'm ok. Oh and it seems that he was just temporally paralyzed by the flash of the camera, that's all. Try not to do that again, ok. Lavi?"

"Hey, there's actually one thing that I still don't get. If it was just cause he was paralyzed by the light, then how come he didn't even try to mo—"

**Boom! **The cameras explode in his face. "...ow."

"Hey guys, have any of you seen- Timcampy!" Allen walks in and finds Timcampy floating around his group of friends, both more than happy to see each other.

He turns to the others and finds Lavi in a bit of a... predicament? "Lavi, why are you burnt?"

"Shall we say, 'let that be a lesson to you, Baka Usagi?'"

"What... lesson?" Lavi asked.

"Never 'fuck around' using a deadly weapon of Komui's."

Everyone but Kanda laughs, and then Allen interrupts the laugher by saying: "I don't get it."

"You don't need to get it, Moyashi. Let's leave it at, he deserved it for going too far with using a 'deadly weapon.'" _'Maybe that's what Timcampy tried to do after all...'_

"Oh, ok."

"Allen-kun, I'd like to say that I'm very sorry for going to far and almost killing one of your... our friends. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Uh... what are you talking about?"

"I meant that... uh... look, can you at least say that you do forgive me?"

"Um, ok Lavi. I'm always willing to forgive someone like you."

"Awww..."

"EVIL! HE'S LYING! LYING TO ALL OF YOU!" Chaoji yells at them from afar in a pissed off state as always.

"Oh, Chaoji, want to be in the picture too?" Allen asks as he holds the camera and takes a photo.

"Don't change the subject you de- **AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" **He screams and covers his eyes. He staggers backwards and accidently opens a door outback. Horses and carriages and crashes were heard from outside.

"Um, maybe we should go out there and help him?" Allen suggests.

* * *

_AN: After that, the gang decided to take one last photo of them together and share it as a memory. They ask Cheese-Head(Chaoji) to take the picture for them, and just when it looked like there'd be a successful shot, the camera blows him up. He was sent to a mental hospital soon after..._

_Also, no horses, cameras, people with horse carriages, carriages, and golems were hurt in the making of this story :P_


	4. Story 4: Shop Till You Drop

My 'Innocent' Life (Part 4)

_Story #4: Shop Till You Drop_

_AN: For those wondering, the title for this story is a reference to the game show 'Shop Till You Drop' where you run around and find stuff at a store in order to win stuff. Also, this is where Allen, Kanda, and Lenalee were when Lavi was messing around with the camera in the previous story..._

* * *

"Alright guys, here's the lists on what we need to get for dinner tonight..." Lenalee gave the lists to her companions as they make their way toward the markets.

"Really, you're giving us these now? When we're almost there?" Kanda asked.

"Of course, you'll forget about it if I had shown you earlier."

"Or I wouldn't care about it..."

"BaKanda, that's not a very nice thing to say." Allen responded.

"Look, just go and get what's on the ingredients, ok? We'll meet up at the center of the market. See you then."

"Alright, see you." Allen waved goodbye. "Don't get so stingy about it," He turned to Kanda and apprehended, "the sooner we get it all done, the sooner we can go back and do whatever we want."

'_Hmm, whatever I want huh...' _Kanda was in a temporary deep thought on what he said.

"Um, Kanda, you're not thinking about hurting Lavi when we get back, are you?"

"Something like that. Hey, don't you have some grocery shopping to do?"

"Oh, yeah, right. Anyway, see ya when I get back." Allen said as he walked off.

Kanda sighed and did the same thing, only in a different direction.

.-.-.-.

"Okay, now where can I find some peaches?" Kanda said as he looked around searching for the cart that has peaches.

Just then, he managed to find the cart that had the peaches, and he walks over to it. _'There doesn't seem to be much left so I sure am lucky that I came across this earlier.'_ Kanda thought.

Suddenly, another person cut in front of him and asked for the rest of the peaches that were on the cart.

"Hey, who do you think you are cutting in line and taking all of the peaches?" Kanda barked.

"Ey, what can I say? You snooze you lose buddy. Better luck next time." He retorted.

"Listen up punk; I came here first, so unless you don't want your arms I suggest you go to the back of the line!" Kanda snapped.

"O really? Says who?"

Angered by this, Kanda pulls out his Mugen and places it near his neck. "Says me, uncle fucker. Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe I should just take your head instead."

"Oh crap, don't do that sir, uh- I- I was going to let you pass anyway! Here, go on ahead."

"Humph, that's what I thought." He sneers as he puts away his Mugen and claims the peaches that he so rightfully deserved.

"I'll be taking all of those peaches then." He said to the freaked out cashier.

"U-u-um, would you like that in a bag?"

"Gladly."

"Ey wait, why do you get all of the peaches? I let you pass, didn't I—?"

"MY PEACHES! THESE ARE MINE!" He turns to see if anyone was watching him and then leaves the stand.

.-.-.-.

"Alright, one down, and a few more to go..." Kanda said as he checked on the list.

While walking around looking for the next thing on his list, he sees a guy trying to 'threaten' another to give up some tomatoes.

"Give me your things or else!" He barked at the guy while holding a banana.

"Or else you'll hit me with your banana? Oooh, I'm so terrified." The owner said sarcastically.

Kanda sighed and walked over there. "Look dude, if you really want him to give you stuff you gotta take it more seriously. Like this:" He takes out his Mugen and points it at the owner, who legitimately starts freaking out. "Give me your fucking vegetables or else I'll cut you with my Mugen!"

"Uh... I'm pretty sure these tomatoes are fruits..."

**"ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE THEM TO ME OR NOT!?"**

"Uh-uh- sure! Take them all if you'd like, go right on ahead!"

"And that's how you do it..."

"Wow, that's pretty impressive." The banana guy said.

"Yeah, I know." Kanda said while putting away his Mugen, again, and takes the... tomatoes.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't I get any for at least trying?" The banana guy complained.

"Nope, my tomatoes. Go try again somewhere else." Kanda replied as he walks away with the goods.

As he walks off, he stops and pauses for a brief moment thinking to himself: _'Hmm, this is actually kind of fun. Maybe I should do this with all the other stands. That way, it'll be more fun and more quick.' _And so, he goes off to cause mayhem all over the market.

.-.-.-.

While walking off with some more goods, Kanda hears someone arguing near an orange stand. He goes over to see what the commotion is all about and notices Allen is there talking near the stand.

"Oh come on, we already lowered the price enough! Won't you just buy it now?" He heard someone exclaim.

"Hmm, could you maybe lower just one more time?" Allen politely asks.

"Kid, if we lower it anymore we'd be in big trouble!" One of the guys replied.

"Yeah, and we already lowered it enough! Won't you just buy it with your money and leave already?" The other added.

"Okay, I'll just go and find another cart that has it..."

"No wait!" They both cried.

"Its fine, it's fine, I'll buy it with the price it currently has. I need to find a way to spend some money anyway. Here." Allen said as he pays the two dudes money, takes the food, and then leaves.

"Geez, that boy sure is wacko." The first guy said.

"Yeah, I'll say." The other guy said.

"Hey, Kanda, how's it going? Ah, I see you've already gotten the peaches." Allen said once he spots Kanda in the middle of the crowd.

"So you got the oranges from those guys?"

"Yep. It's a good thing they were nice, otherwise I would have stolen it from them."

"Whoa, isn't that pushing it a little?" _'Holy shit, why didn't I think of that?'_

"Nah, I was just kidding."

"For god's sake will you stop lying!?"

"It wasn't a lie; it was more or less a joke."

"Well it wasn't funny, that's for sure!"

"Hey, Bakanda, I heard you scared a guy and took away his peaches..."

"Hey, Moyashi, I heard you bribed people and stole their oranges..."

"Heard it? I'm pretty sure you just SAW it happen!"

Sparks flew between the two... again.

"Hey, I bet I could get the list done faster than you can."

"No way, I'd totally win that."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah really."

"Then it's on then!"

"Ugh, will you two just knock it off already? I can't believe you're arguing in front of a super market checkout!" Lenalee shows up with some bags of food, sighing in disbelief. "I can't leave you two for a minute and have you not act like a bunch of animals, aren't you ashamed?"

"Yes." Allen sighed.

"No." Kanda answered curtly.

"Hey, how did you get so many so quickly?" Allen asked, noticing the many bags that Lenalee had.

"Oh, that?" She giggled in response. "A lot of guys gave them to me for free; I didn't even have to try."

"And you just let them give it to you?" Kanda crossed his arms.

"What? It's for free, how can I not say no?" She replied.

"Whatever, let's just get the rest of the stuff that's on this damn list." Kanda concludes as they head off to the other stands.

.-.-.-.

A while later, the three arrive back inside the train station, with Kanda having to carry all of the supplies for dinner, and Lenalee and Allen walking with nothing in their hands.

"Man, that sure was a nice shopping trip, wouldn't you say boys?" Lenalee said with a smile.

"Yeah, it certainly was..." Kanda muttered while carrying all of the groceries (and Mugen) with his hands, looking like he's unable to balance himself.

"Uh, Kanda? Are you sure you don't need any help with that?" Allen asked.

"Are you kidding? And be pestered by this nuisance about being a weakling? No fucking way!"

"Aw...come on Kandy, this is improving your strength," Lenalee protested, "Aren't you glad that you get to train yourself while going from place to place?"

"Not like this... And how is carrying food that we'll eventually eat considered training!? What's next, make me cook all of the food?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"GOD DAMN IT!"

"Ehehehe, calm down BaKanda she was just messing with you," Allen said with a smile.

"I was, right Kandy?"

"I think I like BaKanda better, to be perfectly honest..." Kanda grumbled.

* * *

_AN: Lavi didn't want to go to the market cause he thought it would be boring. _

_As for Kanda, Allen, and Lenalee, they got to prepare the meals and everyone had a happy evening..._

_Oh and Cheese Head(Chaoji) is still in the mental hospital, just wanted to point that out again..._


	5. Story 5: Motives

My 'Innocent' Life (Part 5)

_Story #5: Motives_

_AN: Don't ask..._

* * *

"Hey Kanda, Kanda you here...? Dang it, where could he be? I wanted to ask him something..." Allen walked around the Black Order building wondering where the hell his companion is.

_'Hmm, I've checked everywhere in the top floor, including his bedroom, so maybe he's downstairs?' _When he exits his dorm from upstairs, he managed to catch a glimpse of a pony tailed guy exiting towards the front door.

He brightened up and decided to follow, wondering if that really was him that's about to leave.

.-.-.-.

Allen finally got out of the building and caught up with him, only to realize that he found the wrong person once he latched onto his shoulders. "Hey Kanda. Heeeey Ka- Komui?"

"Oh, hey Allen, I was just going to go out for a walk and do some 'Black Order businesses'." He chuckled halfheartedly. "By the way, why'd you mistake me for Kanda? We don't look anything alike."

"Oh, um, I guess I saw you in a... ponytail... and got so carried away and thought you were actually... Kanda?" He tilted his white little head. "Now that I see you up close, you don't look like him at all."

"I know. He's already up ahead; you should go and hurry if you want to talk with him."

"Alright, thanks Komui!" Allen said as he ran off to see Kanda.

"Don't mention it." Komui replied.

.-.-.-.

He eventually caught up and saw Kanda standing in the middle of the sidewalk, looking like he's waiting for someone.

"Hey, Kanda!" Allen called out to him.

Kanda jumped by the response and rapidly turned to see who it was, while also readying his Mugen. "Oh, it's you." He muttered as he put the sword away. "What do you want; can't you see I'm busy with something?" He said with a straight face after what had just happened.

"I just wanted to see if you were here, Komui said you would be," Allen raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing here anyway, waiting for someone?"

"Nah, I was just looking for a ride to hijack and take me to my destination. I was hoping that I would do this without getting caught though..."

"Wow, rude much Bakanda?"

Kanda moaned. "Look, just tell me what you fucking want Moyashi, I haven't got all day you know!"

"Well, I actually wanted to ask you something..."

"Oh really, well spit out then damn it, what is it?"

"Uh..." There was a small pause. "I can't seem to remember."

Kanda sighed. "Look, I'm really busy and need to get going, so can you tell me about this once you remember and I come back from what I was doing?"

"But what are you doing anyways? Is it an important mission of some sorts?"

"None of your business, it's private!" He turns to a carriage. "Oh, my ride's here. Later Moyashi." He ran after the carriage.

"Yeah, later." Allen could only stand there and watch. The white-haired boy sighed and walked back towards his HQ.

.-.-.-.

When he makes it back to HQ inside, he's immediately greeted by Lavi.

"Allen-chan, where have you been? I've been missing you ya know! You weren't doing a mission without me, were you?" Lavi asked mischievously.

"No Lavi, I wasn't." Allen replied sadly and softly.

Lavi seemed to have noticed this quickly despite not knowing a thing or two about the certain emotions...or he just knows Allen too much :P "You don't sound too happy about it though, what seems to be the problem?"

"Oh, it's nothing, it's just that Kanda—"

"It IS something then?"

"It's just that I wanted to ask Kanda something but I couldn't remember what when I finally found him."

"Well, you could always tell him once you remember, right?"

"Yeah, but I'd have to wait until he's done with his mission though."

"He's on a mission? Why didn't he tell me about it?"

"Well, first off, he doesn't like you. And second, he says it's private."

"Hmm, private, eh?" Lavi goes into a thinking process. "Maybe he's on a secret mission..."

"Huh, what are you talking about Lavi?"

"He could be doing something that he doesn't want us to know about. Remember when he brushed you off when you met him and he left you there?"

"But he does that to me all the time, and how did you even know about that last part?"

"Just guessed on that, to be perfectly honest with you," Pause, "Well, we should at least investigate on this situation at least. You never know, he could be hiding something from us..." Lavi whispered to him.

"I don't know, maybe he is?"

"Come on, Allen-chan, let's go exploring."

"Ok."

.-.-.-.

"Lavi, do you even know where you're going?" Allen asked as soon as they started walking alongside a path outside.

"Well, of course, you said it was this way he went off to, right?" Lavi replied.

"Yeah-huh."

"Then, we should be able to catch up to him pretty quickly." Lavi and Allen continued to ponder on where Kanda could have gone still all the way to downtown.

"Great, we made it, now what?" Allen asked.

"Well, where did you last see him, was it in this very spot?"

"Well...sort of, last I saw was him hijacking a carriage over there, and that's about it." Allen pointed to the spot Kanda had disappeared inside the carriage.

"Yosh, then I guess that means we'll be on our own then," Lavi replied, "And I think I know how we can get further in on this..."

"Um, what's that Lavi?" Allen nervously asked.

Lavi replied while snickering. "You'll see soon enough." He walks over to the center and started spewing random gibberish. "Hey, has anybody seen Yu Kanda anywhere!? He's tall, has a long sword, and really long pretty hair! Were looking for him and if you see him let us know—"

"Um, Lavi, that might not be a good motive." Allen whispered to him while covering his mouth. He noticed that some people were staring at him confusedly. "Uh, sorry about that, my friend was...drinking again. I'll just leave you be now." He forced a smile as he dragged Lavi out of sight.

When they move far away from the curious eyes, Lavi quickly pulled away from Allen and his hands and began to complain, "Ah man, what was that for? We could have gotten some info out of someone!"

"Are you crazy? People were staring at us like we were bloody crazy or something! In fact, someone could have taken us to the police for disturbing the bloody public!"

"Still, not like you had any bright idea—"

"Wait, do you see what I see?" Allen regained his cool and spotted someone who happened to look like Kanda go into a building.

"Ohhh, good eye Allen-chan, now we can see what he's up to." Lavi gave him a thumbs up before running over to the building. Allen followed soon after.

They both took a look above to see the sign. It said: "Moyashi Resutoran". "What kind of name is that?" Allen asked skeptically.

"A-ha, Kanda must be planning to make a secret undercover...fast food takeout?" Lavi and Allen peeked through the windows to find Kanda walking around and looking for a table with some gal in a green dress.

"Why is he even in a place like this?" Allen whisper-asked Lavi.

"Like I said, he must be undercover, trying to catch the enemy here." He replied. "Come on, let's go inside."

"Wouldn't that be pushing it? What if..."

"No worries, you just wait for me here and keep an eye out for anything else suspicious." Lavi saluted and dashed into the restaurant.

"Wait." Allen tried to call him, but he already went inside.

Nevertheless, he just sighed and went along with his so-called 'master plan'. _'I wonder how long he'll be in there. I'm going to bet that he's gonna get caught in less than a minute...' _He sighes heavily.

Just then, he felt a tap on his shoulder and quickly turned around to see who it was.

.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, after taking a seat, Kanda takes a look at the menu to see what it has on there. _'Hmm, Moyashi salad... Moyashi soup... Moyashi soda?! What the fuck is a soda?'_

"See anything you like?" The supposed waitress asked with a warm smile.

"Is there anything on this list that doesn't have any Moyashi in it?"

"Oh, well, yeah, why do you ask? You don't want any Moyashi?"

"No, don't mention that. Ever again." _'One is enough... I don't NEED anymore of them!'_

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Oh, well, okay then. Here's a regular menu for you then. See anything you like now?"

"..."

"I'll... check back on you later." The waitress bowed and walked off.

.-.-.-.

"Hello there, may I help you?" The waitress asked politely.

"Stri-ku!" Lavi yelled.

"Um, excuse me?" The waitress, confused at the response.

"Uh, I mean, I'd like to sit over there please."

"Oh, ok, hang on, I'll find you a good table to sit in." She turned and was about to leave...again, when she tripped over her own feet and face planted. The room fell silent.

'_But I said 'over there'...' _"Hey, are you ok?" Lavi asked while staring at her butt.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Excuse me." She got up, bowed to everyone sincerely, and walked off.

At a distance, Lavi saw Kanda sitting at the table looking rather impatient. He starts writing stuff down on his notepad. "Secretly...likes...Moyashi's."

"Damn it, how long do I have to keep waiting?" Kanda muttered as he checked his watch and tapped his finger on the table impatiently.

"Secretly...waiting...for...someone." Lavi continued to write. "Better be cute."

"Sorry about that Kanda, now what can I get you?"

"What the fuck is a soda?"

"Uh..."

"Secretly...wants...soda. This is some pretty boring stuff, should probably think up something else."

"Hey Kanda, sorry I'm late." Someone called from afar, scaring the living crap out of Lavi.

He turned and saw that it was just Komui. "Oh Komui, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting for like, ever!"

"Sorry, was striking a pleasant conversation with Allen." Komui sweat-dropped.

"Hello." Allen greeted politely.

Lavi turned and started whispering to himself now.

"Secretly...is...gay...for—"

"**And what the fuck is Baka Usagi doing here?" **Kanda sneered.

"Hmm, he seems to be writing on a sheet of paper." Komui replied. He snatched it away and starts reading it.

"Well, what does it say?" Kanda asked impatiently.

"Um, you don't want to know."

"Aw man, I still can't believe you found out about me though..." Lavi pouted.

"Well, I knew you were there from the get-go, Allen pretty much told me where you were..."

"Allen!" Lavi whined.

"What? He bribed me with cookies." Allen protested.

"Guys, can you go and wait outside? We need to discuss something privately, it's really important and we don't want you to know about it." Kanda said.

"Okay..." Allen moped, "But—"

"Hey, Yu, I have a question!"

"**What?"**

"How does that lady know who you are?"

"Everyone knows who I am god damn it now get out before I'll force you out myself!" Kanda kicks Lavi out of the restaurant and slams the door on him, while Allen just casually walks out after him.

.-.-.-.

"Looks like we'll have to wait a while..." Allen sighed.

"Yeah, but we didn't even get any intel on them or there hideout whatsoever..." Lavi pouted.

"Well, it could have been worse."

"Yeah, it could have. By the way, you remember what you were gonna ask him?"

"Yep."

"Awe-"

"Until I went inside, then I forgot again."

"-some."

"Okay, were back." Komui announced.

"Whoa, that was quicker than I thought." Lavi was impressed.

"That's because you weren't keeping track of time, Baka Usagi." Kanda retorted, obviously not impressed.

"So now were going back at long last, would you care to join us?" Komui offered.

"Sure," Allen replied.

"Fine, but we'll have to go by foot since my hijacking carriage license was removed."

"You...had a license?"

"Shut up. Oh, did you remember what you were going to—"

"He forgot." Lavi interrupted.

"Figures."

"So, are we still off the hook, Yu?" Lavi asked nervously.

"No, I'm still mad at you two, and we'll be dealing with a severe punishment when we get home. It'll mainly affect Lavi since I'm pretty sure he started all of this."

Allen and Lavi turn white with horror. "Oh man, what are we gonna do?" Lavi whisper-asked Allen.

"I have no idea." He replied.

* * *

_AN: And so, the punishment did not last long at all... at least not for Allen, Lavi was still receiving his. Said punishment, was to get hunted down by Komui's Koumirin XIX for a week. And no one questioned Kanda's motives ever again... for today that is._


	6. Story 6: Can't Read Me

My 'Innocent' Life (Part 6)

_Story #6: Can't read me_

_AN: He's got love from everybody :P_

* * *

"Hey Allen, Allen you here...? Dang it, where could he be? I wanted to ask him something..." Lavi walked around the Black Order building [thing] wondering where the hell his companion was.

'_Hmm, I've checked everywhere in the bottom floor, including the kitchen, so maybe he's upstairs?' _Lavi exited the kitchen with some pocky in his hands and went to check if his the white-haired kid was upstairs or not.

He walked over and leaned toward the door to pick up if he was there or not.

"My, my, you sure are persistent. How about we do another round... shall we?" He heard some mumbling behind the door.

'_Darn, I can't pick up the whole thing, but I'm certain something's up; I can feel it in my guts!' _He puts a pocky in his mouth and uses his free hand to turn the doorknob. He slowly opens it and takes a peek inside; he sees a white haired playing with some stuffed animals... and also Timcampy, the golden snitch thing, was in there too.

"No way, could Allen be that desperate?" Lavi whispered to himself. "I should keep Allen-chan company, it's the least I can do for my bestest friend~"

He slams open the door and greets him happily.

Allen suddenly turned to him with a gloomy expression on his face. **"Knock first."**

"Eh?"

"**Close the door and knock first before coming in..."**

"Oh, uh, okay then." Lavi slowly closed the door and then knocked on it.

"Who is it?"

"Yo, it's me, Lavi. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Lavi opened the door again and walked in.

This time however Allen was in a cheerful manner as soon as he stepped inside. "Hey there Lavi, how are you doing?" He greeted with a smile.

"Um... fine, how about you?" Lavi asked looking confused.

"Fine, thanks for asking."

"But what about that behavior you had earlier?"

"Well I was in a good mood before—"

"No I mean when I first came in here... today."

"Oh, well I just don't like it when people come in here without knocking; BaKanda does that a lot..."

"Wait, Yu comes here too?"

"Well yeah, to inform me on some missions when I'm afar from the meeting room."

"Oh. So, what are you doing here?" Lavi asked skeptically.

"Well, I'm practicing for my Poker tournament matches."

"YOU play Poker?"

"That's right."

"How can you do that by yourself though?"

"I'm just using some of these stuffed animals as my opponents. I got them as a gift from someone, it doesn't really say who though, just came on the doormat addressed to me inside a package..."

"I see... can I watch?"

"Oh sure, have a seat and feel comfortable."

"Thanks Allen-chan, you're the best." Lavi finds a chair to sit on and watches the... performance of his.

Allen takes a look at his cards; he places some fake yen in the middle of the room. He then moves the dolls and takes a peek at all the cards of theirs; he throws them in the middle of the room in disgust and takes the fake chips away from them.

Lavi was even more confused with how he's 'playing'. "Um, Allen, isn't that cheating?"

"Huh? No, it isn't... technically. Ya see, each player in a game has to check their cards and see if it's good enough to keep. If it's not, you simply 'fold' and give up on your turn. That's why I discarded them for you guys."

"But you still checked their cards..."

"I know, but their not REAL opponents and it's just a practice match, so its fine. Not like I can read through the cards or anything like that."

"Don't be silly, you can do all sorts of stuff, I've seen you guess what I was going to pick for breakfast this morning!"

"But that's because you always pick that for breakfast."

"Anyways, how about I take YOU on in a match or two, ya know, so I can prove to you that you CAN read mi- I mean help you with the tourney coming up..."

"Are you sure about that? I am a pretty devious poker player if I do say so myself."

"Aw come now, if I can handle Yu and those other jerks in this place, I can handle a boring card game against a 'devious player' like you!"

"Ok then. Then let's get started... **shall we**?" Allen sets up the cards and hands some over to Lavi. They both check their cards carefully.

Upon studying them, Lavi notices Allen put his cards away and taps on the table. "Check." He said.

"Psst, hey bunny, what do you think I should do?" The red-head whispered to the bunny figure accessorized with a headband. "Mm, you're right; I should tap the floor also!" He does so.

Allen takes some yen and places it on in front of himself. "I call... ten million."

"EH? But that's just a coin!"

"So, can't I joke around for once?"

"I call too." Lavi looked at the cards again and placed the bunny plushy on top of the yen.

"Ok then, now you just gotta draw out some cards in place of some new ones. So, how many are you going draw?"

"Two. You?"

"Stand pat."

"EH? You're not even gonna bother drawing at least a card or two?"

"Nope, I'm good with the set that I have."

"Um, ok? You might actually regret that though; cause my hands a pretty good one..." After Lavi takes some more cards, he placed them down on the floor to show Allen the hand he had. "I got a pair of three!"

"Pair of ten, I win."

"Darn it! See, I told you you can read minds!"

"What does that have to do with mind tricks?"

"Well, um, you knew what I had in my hand?"

"If you want, I can show you a REAL mind trick**. Wanna see it?**"

"Yes please."

Allen shuffled the deck again and passed out the cards.

While Lavi was picking up and studying the cards, he whispered something to Timcampy and floated over to where Lavi was (Tim not Allen) for a little chat. He rubbed against Lavi's cheek, which got his attention, and he decided to pet it for a while. While doing this, Allen makes an evil smirk, placed his cards in the pile, and took some that had high numbers out. He also leaned over at Lavi's hand and then took out a two from the deck and placed in on top of the deck.

"So, Lavi, what are you going to do now?" Allen asked once he got everything ready. He covered his mouth behind the cards so that he wouldn't be able to see the smirk that's on his face.

"I check, Ally ol' boy!" Lavi tapped on the floor.

"Alright then... I raise."

"EH?" Lavi was shocked. "W-Well, I'll raise too, I'm certain that I can whoop you this time!" He placed down a doggy plushy this time while Allen continued to place fake yen in the center.

"Oh yeah? Well no offense, but I doubt you'll do any good here, even when you draw out some cards I don't think you can—"

"Nah, I actually don't want to draw out."

"Huh?"

"I said I'm fine with my deck..."

"B-but you can't possibly beat me with the cards you have right now!"

"Hey... did you look at my cards while I was staring at Timcampy's ass?"

"WHAT?"

"What?"

"You're crazy... staring at my pet's buttocks for no good reason..."

"I got bored, ok? And he was staring at me with those adorable eyes that I could not look away!"

"So, what's your hand?"

"Oh yeah, my hand. Behold... a pair of J!" Lavi turned his cards over to reveal the hand that he has.

"Pair of K, I win."

"Oh come on, how come I lost to that!?"

"I dunno, luck I guess?" Allen lied and shrugged. "Guess that means the doggy is mine."

"Why do you get this dog? Who is this anyway?"

"Yu."

"Me, I'm the dog? But I thought I was the bunny."

"You are the bunny."

"So I'm the dog AND bunny? That doesn't make any—"

"Kanda is the dog, ok?"

"Oh, that makes a lot more sense actually... now how to win a match in poker..."

Allen chuckled softly. "You don't know anything about poker, that's why you keep on losing. **Because of your insignificant stupidity and cluelessness, you will never be able to win a poker match even if your life depended on it!"**

"Um, Allen? You're starting to creep me out..."

"**Who is this Allen you speak of?**" A dark aura surrounded the white haired boy as he made a long crooked smile across his round-ish face.

'_Dang it, I guess I'll have to beat Allen-chan in order to save him from despair and insanity... this is my big break!'_

Then, all of a sudden... there was a knock on Allen's bedroom door.

"Yo, Moyashi, are you in there?" A familiar deep voice said through the door.

"Oh, hai. Come in!" Allen replied; suddenly back to his 'normal' state from the evil like aura.

'_What just happened?' _Lavi thought while sweat dropping.

The door opened and Kanda Yu walked inside the room. "Hey, uh, how's it going?" He asked.

"Doing pretty good, thanks for asking." Allen replied. "So what's up?"

"Komui wanted to see you for something so he asked me to go and tell you."

"Oh, okay. I'll be on my way then..."

"Also have you seen—" He started to ask but then noticed Lavi was sitting next to Allen. "—never mind."

"Oh crap, uh, hi Yu, how's it going?"

"**...**"

"What... happened between you two?" Allen asked.

"He left during the punishment... he still needs to do five more laps around the BO building!"

"B-but I- can't I get a break? Haven't I been punished enough!?"

"No." Kanda dragged Lavi away from the room and shut the door to Allen's bedroom.

"By the way, good luck on the upcoming tourney." Lavi opened the door to proclaim, then Kanda furiously yanks him away and it slams shut... again.

"What nice guys, don't you agree?" Allen glanced over at his kitty plushy and sighed.

* * *

_AN: Wow, been a while since I last did one of these :P_

_Sorry about that I had gotten really busy and was planning on some future/new stories ahead of time that I couldn't find any time to do this one. Anyways, hope you enjoy this unusual parody fiction of mine and as always, thank you :)_

_Oh, and I kind of couldn't think of a better title for this one... sorry about that :S_


	7. Story 7: The Not-So Lovely Visit

My 'Innocent' Life (Part 7)

_Story #7: A '__lovely' visit(?)_

_AN: Um... my sister NekoAllenLover might not like this. Scratch that, she __**will not**__ like this. (She hasn't beta-read this yet, I hope she doesn't know about this though)_

_By the way, this is centered a few days after the events of the third story. For those who don't know it or have read it before, you can check it out somewhere in the chapter selection thing on the right..._

* * *

"It sure is nice of you to visit you-know-who Allen-chan, you're so generous!" Lavi smiled and walked by his white-haired companion down the halls.

"Oh, it's nothing really; I just wanted to see how my friend is currently doing at the hospital." He replied happily.

"Um... okay."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't think you should call him... that."

"Eh, he's just in one of his moods that's all, I'm sure he got over it by now."

"Oh yeah, but knowing him, that's probably not the case..."

They reach a specific door and see a nurse standing right beside it. She turns and notices the two walking right by.

"Ah, you must be the visitors they were talking about, right this way." She steps aside for the others to go in right on ahead.

When upon entering inside, they see Kanda standing near a hospital bed while reading a book about swords and shit like that.

"Oh hey, took you guys long enough." He muttered and put away his book.

"Sorry about that, we got tired halfway and there was traffic in the way." Allen replied with a sweat drop.

"No worries though, we made it here didn't we?" Lavi added. "So, how is he do-ing?"

"He's currently sleeping, must be exhausted from all the screaming and all that crap." Kanda sighed.

Allen and Lavi walk around the bed to see if 'he' would wake up anytime soon.

The guy in the bed slowly opens his eyes and sees Allen and Lavi waiting for him to get up. They soon notice and gather around the bed with concern on their faces. Kanda was still reading his book and could really care less.

"Chaoji, you're awake. How's it going?" Allen asked nicely.

"Yeah, are you alright there?" Lavi added.

"Huh, where the hell am I? How did I get here!? AND WHY IS HE HERE!?" Chaoji complained, pointing at Allen in frustration.

"Um, remember what I did to you a couple days ago with the camera? Yeah, you're in the hospital now because of that... I'm sorry about that." Allen replied.

"Sorry? YOU DEMON! Just because you say sorry and sound innocent while doing does not change the fact that you nearly killed me... **with a fucking camera!**"

"Hey don't be so upset, it's really my fault since I was responsible for the camera... and Komui made it and told me to test it out." Lavi muttered. "What? He made it really tempting for me."

"Well look on the bright side, at least your not dead." Allen said.

"Yeah..." Chaoji replied. "BUT YOU WILL BE SOON ENOUGH YOU SUCKING—!"

"Dude, just shut up and let me read this book. The least you could do is be grateful that you're still alive and that Moyashi came over and said he was sorry." Kanda retorted.

"Ugh, I can't believe I have to stay in here for who knows how long..."

"Hey look on the bright side; at least you got... snacks, drinks, and a peace of mind, right? Hey what's this suppose to be?" Lavi picks up a certain item with some buttons on it and pushes it by accident, which makes the bed go up to the ceiling and crushes Chaoji onto it.

This freaks the others out like crazy. "Holy crap, what the heck, how'd that happen!?" Lavi panicked.

"Quickly, push a different button and get him out of there!" Allen exclaimed.

"Alright, alright, hang in there!" Lavi yells out and repeatedly pushes buttons but just makes the bed get crumbled even more. After pushing some more buttons and witnessing Cheese head getting hurt more from the bed it finally stops and get into the proper position that it was on before, with Chaoji cringing in fear and disgust.

"Um, you ok?"

"NO GOD DAMN IT DOES I LOOK OK TO YOU?" Chīzuheddo retorted.

Then out of nowhere, a nurse opens the door with a chart in her hands and adjusts her glasses in dignity.

"Alright Mr. Cheese Guy, it says that according to the charts you're apparently cured from all the damage that had occurred to you on the past couple days. So you should be perfectly fine now and can go back home. Congrats." She said in a quite chipper tone and then left.

"Hey, did you hear that? You're gonna be okay and you'll make it out of here!" Lavi exclaimed.

"**Oh joy...**" Cheese Guy murmured, sounding really annoyed.

"Uh... come on; let's get you out of here." Allen said calmly.

"No don't touch me my body still- HYUUUURRRRTSSSS!"

"Whoa dude calm down, maybe if I pick you up slowly and gently—" Lavi started off.

"NO THAT'LL JUST MAKE IT WORSE!"

"But how are we going to get you out of—"

Kanda closes his book in arrogance, picks Chaoji up and plops him onto a wheelchair in seconds flat.

"There, now you don't have to worry. Can we go home now?" Kanda said in distraught.

"OW WHAT THE FU—"

"I said... **Stop. Worrying. About. It. Pussy.**"

"Oh well, at least you're safe now. Let's get going." Allen says happily as he pushes the wheelchair and takes him away. Lavi and Kanda soon follow after.

"So, what do you guys want to do after we leave?" Allen asked while pushing the wheelchair.

"I don't know, what do you want to do after we leave?" Lavi asked.

"I just want to read my fucking book but you guys won't let me." Kanda rudely stated.

"Ohh, Yu I didn't know you liked to read..."

"Shut up, I want to become stronger and more skillful at swords, ok? Aw damn it I lost track of where I left off on!"

"You mean you lost the page?"

"Shut up baka usagi."

"Oh come now you guys, you shouldn't be fighting at a time like—" Allen started but by not looking at where he's going, gets interrupted by slipping on some liquid and falls flat on his face, along with Cheese balls slipping out of control and sliding around in the hospital. "thhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiisssss!"

"Allen-chan are you alright?" Lavi asked nervously.

"Yeah, I'm alright."

"HOLYSHITSOMEONEBESIDESALLENSTOPTHISTHING" Chaoji gets into another predicament and starts panicking.

"Aw crap this isn't good..." Lavi said.

"No shit, better go get him." Kanda replied while trying to find his page in the book.

"What, you honestly telling you're not gonna help us get him back?"

"Not my fault. It doesn't have to do with Noahs or Akumas, so I don't need to intervene."

"Ah whatever, come on Allen-kun let's go get him back!"

"Okay." Allen replied.

Lavi soon notices that Allen already ran off to go get him back.

"Already went." Kanda stated quickly.

"Hmm, now why haven't we done that earlier? Ah well." Lavi runs off to go get Allen and the wheelchair back.

The wheelchair continues to spin and zoom past a couple of people that were working in the place while going through some doors along the way. It then makes it down the stairs, goes past the front doors, and heads right outside. Allen and Lavi chase after it and eventually catch up to it... right before he gets run over by a random carriage.

"Phew, that was a close call..." Lavi sighed in relief.

"Yeah I'll say." Allen added. "And look, Chaoji so teary and speechless right now on what just happened..."

"Wha... wha... yea." Chaoji replied, still speechless. "ITSABOUTTIMEYOULAZYDUMBASSESI'LLKILLALLOFYOU—"

"Dude, calm down, you'll break your voice box if you keep yelling like that!" Allen said.

"So, I take it you guys got him?" Kanda walked over and asked with the book in his disposal still. "I could hear the poor bastard from a mile away."

"Yep, we sure did. It was actually a lot easier than we imagined."

"Well we should probably get him back to the Black Order before anything else that's bad happens." Lavi proclaimed.

"Agreed." The others agreed. They didn't notice the wheelchair slowly moving downhill across the street (it's on an angle I suppose?). Chubaka tries to warn them about it since they aren't paying any attention to him at the moment when all of a sudden he finds that his voice is weak from all the yelling. He shuts his eyes, silently screams, and prepares for the worst.

When he opens his eyes he sees that he is now in a hospital bed once again surrounded by Allen and co. once again.

"Um, hi there. Sorry about what happened seconds ago." Allen scratched his head in embarrassment.

"We left you in the streets accidentally and you almost got hit by a random horse carriage... but got ran over by another one immediately after." Kanda stated.

"That and you lost your voice." Lavi added.

"Only a matter of time before that happens..."

"So is there anything we can do to help you out or make you feel any better?" Allen asked.

"Actually yes, get out." Chaoji replied weakly.

"Huh?"

"Get out of my sight right now."

"Oh, ok."

After leaving the hospital, the others decide to walk back to the Black Order building... or whatever.

"Well this stinks." Lavi pouted.

"Well it's your guys' fault for damaging the poor bastard and making his life more hell... not that he didn't deserve it or anything." Kanda mumbled the last part.

"Stri-ku!"

"Shut up Baka Usagi."

"At least he'll be okay back in there... I guess." Allen confirmed.

"You still upset about that?" Lavi asked.

"Yeah, but I'll get over it. Wonder what our next mission's gonna be?"

"I dunno, maybe it'll have to do with some more Noahs?"

"Who the hell knows? Let's just get going home."

"Quiet, I'm trying to concentrate on reading god damn it"! Kanda complained.

* * *

_AN: Chaoji was perfectly fine in the hospital after that event... until bears show up._


End file.
